Stop Saying "I ate bad today." Here's Why...

There you are at a Christmas party or Thanksgiving dinner. There are all sorts of delicious desserts staring you in the face. You’re thinking, “I’ll be bad this time and have a treat, and tomorrow I will be good and only eat salad.” Am I right? I know I’ve had that conversation with myself many times. Do you know what that’s called? Food shame. And I think we have all done it at some point, either towards ourselves or directed at someone else. But what exactly is food shame? Is it bad? If so, how can we stop doing it? I am going to attempt to answer those questions in today’s post.

What is Food Shame?

Food shame is when you criticize yourself or someone else for eating something that doesn’t fit their (or your) definition of what is “good.” It can look like this:

• “I was bad today; I ate a brownie.”

• “I’m being good today, so I can’t have dessert.”

• “You look great. Have you lost weight?”

• “It’s a cheat day.”

• “Are you going to eat THAT?!”

I know I have said all these at one time or another. Just today, I was visiting with a friend, and she said, “I was really bad the other day. I had some ice cream.” My response to her was, “No, you are not bad. You had some ice cream.” This mentality is so prevalent in our society. We demonize food and make moral judgments on ourselves and others based on a food choice. Did you notice the “compliment” in the example above? Even when we are trying to be “positive”, statements like this still hold judgment, and we are basing someone’s goodness on a food choice. I admit that I used to “shame” my husband and kids quite often with that last question, “Are you going to eat THAT?!” Thankfully, my husband called me on it, and I don’t do it as much anymore.

Why it is harmful and counterproductive?

Food shame comes from a ‘Diet Culture.’ It is entrenched in our society and affects all of us. Therapist Judith Matz said, “Diet culture creates a moral issue out of eating the ‘right’ foods. It leads to culturally induced body hatred, which results in fat-shaming and weight stigma. The problem with diet culture is that it is misleading at best and harmful at worst.”

To base someone’s worth on a food choice is wrong. It is essential to know that your value is not determined by what you eat. If you have a brownie, you are not ‘bad.’ If you have a salad, you are not ‘good.’ Now, your body may react in a way you don’t like.For instance, if I eat wheat, I will start sneezing and most likely will have a tummy ache, but you are not good or bad because of what you eat.

Equating our goodness based on food is harmful.

One fascinating study said that extreme dieting can be a precursor to developing eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder. What is fascinating to me is that you may lose weight short term when you try to restrict certain foods or stress over weight loss, but studies have shown that those people gained all of their weight back and more. Let me say that again. If you stress over weight loss, you are more likely to gain weight, not lose it.

What do I do now?

The easy answer: change our relationship with food. How do we do that?

• Look at your body as a whole, not just how much you weigh or how you look. Look at how certain foods affect your organs, from your skin to your liver. Know your body. Pay attention to what you eat and how your body responds.

• Don’t be legalistic, but be aware.

• Permit yourself to enjoy your family, friends, and even some of the foods you know will be there. Our bodies can handle a holiday meal, so permit yourself to enjoy it.

• Know your worth...Your value does not come from what you eat.

Many people want to be ‘happy.’ Let me ask a question: are you happy when you have a headache? Or a stomach ache? Or acne? Or___? You get the idea. I don’t avoid gluten and dairy because I’m legalistic or ‘good.’ I avoid it because I feel amazing when I don’t eat certain foods.

One of the most rewarding aspects of coaching my clients is walking this sometimes tricky path of changing their relationship with food. When the light bulb comes on, it is life-changing.

There’s a reason I’m writing about this now. The holidays are literally around the corner. I do not want anyone dreading the “shame” that so often comes during this time of year. Speaking of worth, we will be celebrating Christmas in just under two months. Christmas. The celebration of the birth of a Savior. That is where you find your worth. I hope you know Him. It's the start of November. Endeavor to not live under shame this holiday season.